VOIR COUTURE

From the inside out ...

Self esteem, body image, physical fitness, success, beauty, attractiveness -- whose definition of these titles do you use?

According to a recent U. S. News & World Report article, about 24 percent of men and 27 percent of women are truly overweight, but 39 percent of men and 50 percent of women think they are. A few years ago, Psychology Today published research showing that men have an exaggerated positive self image and women have an exaggerated negative self image when describing their physical appearance. In her new book, Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., quotes one of the men she interviewed, "I want women to know that we like them better than they like themselves." A Dallas Morning News story on February 9, 1990 says "It's possible to feel so good it makes you sick." A study had noted that low self esteem students who experienced good events in their lives reported more illnesses following the good events. With high self esteem students, however, the more positive events they had, the fewer illnesses they reported during the follow-up period."

Year after year, experience and study have convinced me that we as women are consistently hypercritical of ourselves and other women. In contrast, men are more accepting of both themselves and most women. How many men have you heard say that they earned their "beer bellies" or their wrinkles?! How many women are considered sloppy or fat because they allowed themselves to gain a stomach -- never mind how! -- or develop a new wrinkle? Notice the difference between men's acceptance and women's critical attitude. How many of you actually like your body?

Try developing a new habit. Each time you look in the mirror, recognize and celebrate all of your beautiful features. Most of you have heard me correct the concept that, for example, someone has large hips. No, they have a great small waist! Accenting the positive is an acquired habit. It is not necessary to cover flaws; it is necessary to accent or bring out the positive, the beautiful.

News to many is that the measurements used for the perfect size 10, 12, etc., is not determined by the perfect but by an average of measurements. I don't know about you, but I have never striven to be average! In my experience, it is very rare, even with professional models, to find a woman who has the exact measurements of the perfect (average) size. Most women have been brainwashed by the "too's" -- too tall, too short, too heavy, too small, too old, too young ...

Each time you pick up a magazine, look at the models and see if you can determine the actual age of the model. Many of the top models are actually teenagers. What age are the makeup artists and clothing designers trying to portray? Age 20, 30? No wonder we are confused! A child tries to look like a woman of 35 and so a woman of 35 tries to look like a teenager!

Now, more than ever, we are concerned with our health. This includes the importance of mental and emotional health, not just physical health. Diets and exercise are necessary to lose or gain weight, but what about our self-concept? Too many of us have learned the hard way that just losing weight or getting into shape has not changed our lives. Those who lose weight often have difficulty keeping their "ideal" weight, sometimes even to the point of developing extremely dangerous eating disorders.

What is the push for the perfect figure or the ideal weight all about? Who determined that the weight you have now is not ideal? Why do we allow other people who hold themselves up as experts to determine who we are and what we should look like? It has been my experience that if I can assist a woman to develop an acceptance of her physical self and then to like her physical self, weight is easy to gain or lose. Self-defeating patterns cease to become habits.

My role as a Personal Designer is to accent your beautiful features and construct clothing that fits! If your clothing is too small, you may feel "fat". "When I lose weight, I will call you" is a phrase that postpones your feeling good. How do you one day suddenly decide that you are now perfect enough to start looking and feeling good? Now is the time to look and feel good, not "when I ...". It is necessary to see you as perfect as you are at every point in time, but especially during periods of self-improvement.

Some individuals work months to achieve their ideal and then are unable to accept that ideal because it is still not good enough. The "when I have's" and the "too's" still haunt them. Or, accenting their new hip line, bust line or waist line is impossible because they feel self-conscious, not self-confident. Accenting the positive must start now. Feeling good about you must start now.

A change in concept is achievable! Each time you think or say any of the "too's" or "when I have's", stop and think, "I am the perfect me; I am beautiful." This is what is referred to as inner beauty. Most of the great beauties we admire are not considered beautiful because someone said they were but because they believed they were and acted accordingly. Try practicing your perfect you. Don't be discouraged. You will be surprised how quickly the habit of your perfect beauty becomes your reality.

For further reading on this subject, refer to:

OPENING OUR HEARTS TO MEN, Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., Ballentine Books, 1989.

YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, William Morrow & Co., 1989.

OVERCOMING OVEREATING, Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter (an excerpt, "Is It An Emotional Issue", New Woman, November 1989).

"I'm Letting Myself Go", Kathleen Fury, New Woman, March 1990.

"Win the Confidence Game", Carol Tannenhauser, New Woman, February 1990.

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Voir Couture is the recognition and confirmation of each Judith, Couturiere client. You are confident and distinctive, value tradition, and demand quality and individuality. Voir celebrates your uniqueness!