VOIR COUTURE

MY DEFINITION OF SUCCESS?!

Have you seen all the commercials for weight loss or exercise programs? How do they make you feel?

Believe it or not, size 2 or 8 or 12 or 16 or 20 or 24, or any size smaller or larger, doesn't matter to me. When I first meet with a new client, I actually have no idea what size that client, male or female, wears. I understand, sometimes immediately, that their dress, shirt, slack size is important to them. Often, because of their attitude, I feel an immediate need to guess their size -- after all I am in the clothing business. Almost as immediate is my need to understand who "they" are or want to be or want to project.

Size and measurements only concern me when I am designing and constructing a garment. The clothing I construct is made for specific individuals' measurements, not for an "average" size that is meant to fit many. Therefore, the garments flatter the individual's figure without binding, gapping, pulling. They are the individual's signature, not the designer's.

Just as fear is projected as anger, so dislike of ourselves is disguised by judging others and thus feeling ourselves slimmer and therefore, perhaps, more attractive. Judging others is only a judgement of ourselves. If we find ourselves feeling better because we are slimmer, perhaps each of us could become aware of our own thoughts. Every time we see someone larger or smaller, smartly dressed or sloppily dressed, STOP. Evaluate our thoughts. Does the evaluation of that person give us good feelings or bad feelings. STOP. That person's appearance or actions only affect us if we allow our minds to evaluate or judge. Our appearance or actions are the direct responsibility of ourselves. We feel good because we accept our appearance, not because in comparison we are good or bad. Comparison creates the dreaded "if only" syndrome ("if only" I were richer, thinner, taller, etc.).

My definition of success is definitely not making the best dressed list or the worst dressed list. Again, that is someone else's evaluation of me, not mine.

Discrimination because of size lives in virtually all of us on one level or another, including me. I weighed 174 pounds at one time, all 5'3-1/2" of me. I also purchased clothing size 18.

After losing weight, I was told I was too thin. What a surprise! Weight loss didn't create a perfect me, except of course if I was in great condition -- more exercise. Then came age 40, described as "over the hill", too old to get a different job, remarry, etc., etc. The list goes on. The point is, I traded one criticism of myself for another until I intellectually and emotionally realized I had not changed. I had always been the same. There are still friends and acquaintances who wish me to change something about me. That's okay. However, when I look at them, I concentrate on their wonderful qualities, accepting all because the "differences" don't matter; plus, my needs don't change others. Who am I to say their changing would make them better? What is better? My opinion, or theirs?

How much more accepting are we of ourselves when the people around us are accepting of us. Suddenly the weight loss or gain, the need to mold our body into a different shape (sometimes with expensive surgery), the need to change into what "the rest of the world" considers acceptable isn't so important. Statistics show that people who are married are people who are in better health. Perhaps the release from stress of trying to have the world's approval of our size and shape is responsible for this better health. The unconditional love and acceptance lets us more readily accept ourselves. I am not the first one to espouse the theory that outer beauty does not guarantee an inner peace, acceptance or beauty.

A friend who has learned self-acceptance (and whose husband constantly tells her how beautiful she is), finds that there is no stigma in a woman's size 14 versus a misses' size 14, only a better fit for a more voluptuous figure. She says she can now put on any garment from her closet and forget about what she is wearing. Because she knows everything fits, she isn't aware of what she is wearing and can concentrate on the people around her and the day's activities.

Most people have a dream, and that dream is to feel good about themselves. As Judith, Couturiere, I try to be the catalyst to spark that dream into reality.

My definition of success is unconditional love and acceptance of ourselves. With this love and acceptance, anything is possible in any area of our lives.

Enclosed is a poem to better express my feelings of the pain I feel when I talk with people who are unhappy with their physical appearance. I identify with the pain, as I, too, have "been there", consistently, regularly, except when I remember ...

* * * * * *

Voir Couture is the recognition and confirmation of each Judith, Couturiere client. You are confident and distinctive, value tradition, and demand quality and individuality. Voir celebrates your uniqueness!